


To Find Our Way We Lose Control

by DefaltManifesto



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angsty Schmoop, Episode: s03e19 Letharia Vulpina, Implied Cora Hale/Lydia Martin, M/M, Optimistic Ending, Pain Transferrence, Rimming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-19
Updated: 2014-02-19
Packaged: 2018-01-13 01:08:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1207195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DefaltManifesto/pseuds/DefaltManifesto
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Nogitsune is gone, but it left Stiles with a hunger for pain Stiles desperately does not want to give into. The pack isn't going to let him suffer though. </p><p>Canon Divergence after episode 19.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Find Our Way We Lose Control

**Author's Note:**

> I was supposed to write a fluffy Scerek. But my life is pretty shit at the moment so I figured how about some angst instead. At least the ending is somewhat happy.
> 
> Title taken from Beyond by Daft Punk

[The tumblr](http:schizzar.tumblr.com)

 

Stiles hated it, the remnants the Nogitsune had left behind within him. Deaton had warned him of course, as they ripped the thing out of him, that he'd be scarred, changed forever, but Stiles didn't care. Not that he could've voiced his opinion anyways with the way the Nogitsune was using his vocal chords and mouth to scream. Now he almost missed the demon with him; at least then he could've had an excuse for the intense hunger for pain that burned within him like a constant flame.

Of course Scott understood, forgiving the whole being  _stabbed_  in the stomach with a fucking katana without missing a beat. Stiles wanted to punch him, prove to Scott that he didn't deserve it.

At first, Stiles only told Scott about the urges to  _crush, break, twist_  people into submission so he could feed off their pain. Scott didn't seem bothered and spent the whole school day brushing passed anyone with a headache and soaking up their pain only to push it into Stiles immediately after.

It was practically insignificant, those small drops of pain sprinkled into his body and his soul throughout the day, but it was enough to help him focus to start paying attention in class so he could bring his grades back up. Scott seemed to know, though, that it wasn't quite enough and so twice a week he began to frequent the hospital, sneaking into the rooms of sleeping patients to soak up their aches and pains and bring them back to Stiles.

At first, the guilt gnawed at him harder than the hunger. After the first few times though, Stiles gave in, accepted the gift without complaint, at least until the euphoria and drugged-like pleasure died away. Then he slumped in Scott's arms and cried, mostly silent, shoulders trembling as he tried to catch his breath. Scott didn't get the guilt, couldn't comprehend why Stiles felt like a complete monster for what he needed to function just like any other human.

 

-.-

 

The next people to find out were Lydia and Cora, and of course Derek. Lydia knew before any of them did and had just been waiting for them to tell her, naturally. Cora though, was an accident Stiles hoped to never repeat. They'd been yelling at each other in Derek's loft over something stupid about the damn fairies that decided Beacon Hills would be fun to invade, and being a Hale, Cora had snapped a hand out to smack Stiles upside the head. Stiles caught her wrist, gripping it hard enough to bruise, which shouldn't have even been possible in the first place. The next moment, he was drawing the pain out of her, fingers sinking in harder so he'd have more to drink from, so she couldn't get away even as she jerked and twisted.

Then she'd kicked him in the stomach and he'd released her, falling to his knees as the full truth of what he'd done washed over him. Lydia and Scott managed to get him to the bathroom before he puked his guts up but it was a small blessing. He could hear Derek yelling and Scott left to talk with him while Lydia stayed and rubbed his back as he rested his forehead against the nearby cupboard.

"I'm a monster," he said.

"So am I. Welcome to the chessboard," Lydia said.

Stiles groaned. "Cora told you about that?"

"Cora tells me everything."

"I liked you better when you were fighting."

Lydia just patted him on the head.

 

-.-

 

His dad didn't trust him anymore, not that Stiles blamed him. There was no way for him to tell that Stiles was really his son after all. Just because it made sense didn't mean it hurt less.

Stiles spent most of his time at the McCall household as a result. Melissa knew what had happened to him, and she helped Scott get access to some of the more seriously injured patients so he could have more. It was really a win-win for everyone in her view and she no longer treated Stiles as a threat because Scott didn't and she trusted Scott. It was a relief.

Scott rubbed the back of his hand as the pain he fed Stiles slowed to a trickle. "I hate doing this."

Stiles jerked away, almost whining at the immediate loss but holding himself back as he glared at Scott. "Then don't do it. I didn't ask for it and I don't need  _you_  making me feel guilty too."

"God you're seriously an idiot sometimes," Scott said, hauling Stiles up onto his lap. "I don't mind doing it. I just don't like that I makes you so unhappy."

"Yeah, well, welcome to the club," Stiles mumbled into Scott's neck. "I'm disgusting."

"What the hell gives you that idea?" Scott asked.

"Scott, I  _feed_  on pain. Literally. I wanted to hurt Cora so I could have more of it," Stiles said, forcing the words out even as their very admission made his chest ache.

"You realize I'm a werewolf right? My entire life is fighting violent urges," Scott said. "I'd be a bit of a hypocrite if I got mad at you for the same thing. But you're learning how to deal." Scott wrapped his arms around Stiles' waist, settling his hands on the smaller's stomach. "And we're going to help you. All of us."

"Why?" Stiles blinked, trying to stop the burning in his eyes. "I tried to kill all of you."

"No, the Nogitsune did. You're not the same." Scott nuzzled his ear.

"Then why do I still need what he needed?" The words were choked, and Stiles couldn't help but curl up on himself.

"It's not the same, Stiles. You're not trying to hurt anyone," Scott said. "You're actually taking the pain away. Through me anyways."

"And it's wearing you down! It's hurting you, I'm not blind, Scott!" Stiles tore himself out of Scott's grip and huddled up by the end of the bed. "You can't keep doing this."

"Yes I can," Scott said. "It's my choice. And you know Derek and Isaac and Cora would do the same."

Stiles didn't say anything else, and he didn't fight Scott when the Alpha tugged him close again.

 

-.-

 

Things changed after that, into a new system Isaac jokingly dubbed "Stop-Stiles-From-Becoming-A-Serial-Killer." Stiles didn't find it funny, but over all it was a good system.

The four werewolves rotated the days they spent time absorbing pain and feeding it to Stiles. With Derek, it was sort of weird, both of them sitting beside each other rigidly, only touching their hands so Derek could transfer the pain. Stiles locked down his reactions, storing the pain away to sip at in a slow burn that he could fully enjoy on his own. He appreciated it either way though, and the occasional look of care Derek gave him eased some of the guilt.

Isaac was just plain weird. As he forced the pain into Stiles, he seemed under the impression that he was actually harming him. He transformed from a tall lanky form of pure sarcasm and snark into a puppy that wrapped tight around Stiles and held him close until it was all over. Stiles didn't exactly mind, even if it surprised him at first. It never hurt to know someone as stand offish as Isaac still cared about him.

Cora was never present without Lydia. It was clear the whole thing made her uncomfortable after the first incident between them, so Stiles was careful of how he acted. He never tried to touch her, letting her just hold onto his wrist as she filled him up with the pain in one harsh shove. It was brutal and hard to pretend it didn't affect him, but he did for Cora's sake.

Lydia held him after. He didn't cry, not anymore. He supposed he'd reached a point where crying just didn't help, and in fact almost made it worse. It wasn't often that he saw Lydia seem at a loss, but she usually did on the nights she sat with him as he rode out the pain. If he knew how she could help, he would tell her, but he was at as much of a loss as she was.

And then, as there always was, there was Scott. Scott, who he was free to let go with, soft gasps and noises of pleasure at a particularly good hit. It was supposed to be weird, it should have been weird, but it wasn't, and it wasn't long before simply holding him while the pain transferred turned into sloppy kisses and bites at Stiles' neck. Stiles wasn't exactly surprised; it wasn't like he and Scott had a particularly normal bromance to begin with. Scott seemed more than willing to chase the guilt away with his kisses and each careful, calculated stroke of his hands along Stiles' sides.

When he was done feeding off the pain, Scott would roll him over onto his back and press their lips together, a silent assurance that it was okay. It all was, it always would be.

It was a pretty lie Stiles didn't mind losing himself in.

Some nights, a few kisses were all Stiles needed to finish riding out the high. Other nights, he needed more, Scott's mouth like a brand on his skin, sucking mark after mark over Stiles' chest and his thighs until he was covered. That, sometimes, was enough. But there was a time when Stiles needed even more. At first, Stiles was worried Scott would reject him, finally draw a line in the sand that he wouldn't cross, but Scott practically glowed at the suggestion he actually  _take_  Stiles, completely.

Scott was careful to start, more than Stiles wanted him to be. He kissed Stiles until he was relaxed and pliant before making his way down to Stiles' hips, spending a long while sucking deep bruises into Stiles' hips before sliding further down. The first touch of his tongue along Stiles' hole made Stiles whine, a high and sharp sound that escaped him before he could think to stop it. He ate Stiles out until he was soaking and his cock was hard as a rock. Then came the fingers, careful and mind-numbingly slow as they opened Stiles up.

By the time he'd worked up to three fingers and tongue, Stiles was rocking down against Scott's face and begging. Scott worked his way back up to Stiles' lips before removing his fingers and settling himself between Stiles' legs. Stiles clamped his legs around Scott's hips like a vice, his begging giving way to desperate thank yous as Scott pressed in.

Scott's arms trembled as he slid down onto his elbows, licking a stripe up Stiles' chin and then into his mouth in a wet, open kiss as he sunk in to the hilt. Stiles gave a hiccupping sob into Scott's mouth as his arms came up around Scott's neck so he could fist his hands tight in the Alpha's hair. Stiles gave a sharp tug, groaning as the spark of pain it resulted in tingled down his arms.

"Please move," Stiles murmured, tugging Scott's head all the way back to separate their lips. "Please Scott."

Scott groaned and buried his face in Stiles' neck, hips rolling back and then back in, hard up into Stiles' prostate. Stiles' breath hissed out between his teeth and his heels dug hard into Scott's lower back before he arched up and bit at Scott's lip. The small shocks of pain rippled through Stiles and Scott whined against his neck, hips jerking in harder in faster.

Stiles urged him on by raking his blunt nails along Scott's back, delighting in the way Scott panted out his name at the pleasure mixed with pain. Knowing Scott liked it, something he could tell by the way one of Scott's hands trailed down to cup over Stiles' bruised hip so he could press harder into him, made it easier for Stiles to take pleasure from Scott's pain.

He wasn't sure if Alpha powers included increased stamina because even with how eager Scott seemed to be, he continued on for a long while, even after Stiles came for the first time. It was a bit embarrassing, since Scott didn't even need to touch his cock. The combination of the pain and Scott's dick filling him up and making him feel owned were more than enough.

Eventually, Scott did come though, hips pumping in a few, last, short thrusts before he almost collapsed on top of Stiles. Stiles trailed his fingers over Scott's back, already smooth and healed from Stiles' scratching. After a few minutes, Scott pulled out, sinking back down between Stiles' legs to make sure he wasn't hurt and licking up a bit of the mess in a way that made Stiles' dick give a valiant twitch.

"Feel better?" Scott asked, crawling his way back up to nuzzle Stiles' jaw.

"Getting there," Stiles said, voice hushed. "I'm sorry I can't just...be okay for you."

"Don't be an idiot," Scott said as he pressed a kiss to the space just beneath Stiles' ear. "Take as long as you need. I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

Stiles held him close and started to let himself believe the words were true.


End file.
